My site
"I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!" - Alice, Alice In Wonderland.
Dear mum.

Recently I find myself thinking of matters I shouldn't worry about.
Firstly there's university.
Then there's a job.

I'm going to study hard in poly, so that if anything, I can apply for a scholarship in uni.
I need to get a job so if anything, I can learn to survive on my own slowly.
And if I think more about getting a job in the future, I need to get one when I graduate.
What for? To pay for my fees if I want further education.
And if anything happens to the family, I'll be able to pay for my brother's school fees and household fees.

Working for mum for these days is equivalent to free labour.
I told her that she don't need to pay me yesterday because she has to pay a lot for my school fees and needs.
She told me that I should understand how difficult and tiring it is for her to support the family now.
Then I replied that I always knew, just that I don't know how to bring the message across.

Somehow our relationship may have improved.
Today we went out together for lunch in midst of work.
Went into isetan and we were looking at bags.
The handbags that she wanted were luxury goods to her.
She didn't buy any but bought clothes for the rest of the family.


When we left the place, I made a promise to her.
I hope that what I said brought my feelings across.

I told her, while holding her hands,
Mum, I'll buy you a branded handbag when I get my first salary on my first official job.
I'll bring you shopping. I promise.

I repeated that twice.
She said that she'll wait and smiled.
But I wonder if I really brought my feelings across.
After that handbag, I swear I'll get her the shoes she always wanted.

Later that day, I told her that I won't slack in poly because we were discussing about financial issues.
I'll study to get a scholarship.
Then with that degree, she'll be able to relax more.

我说过的，我不会忘。
因为有你，所以有我。

The mug I gave to her in primary school, she started using it only last year.
I reminded her of this fact and she replied, "我不舍得用"。
My heart ached when I heard that.
It did. I didn't reply after that.

Hey mum,
Despite all, thanks for being there for me.
Those bags and those shoes, I'll get them for you.
And that trip to tai wan, one day, I'll fly there with you.
So live long enough for that to happen.
I still want you to see me achieve.
Don't leave me with this idiotic brother alone.
It's tiring caring for him, you know that?

其实你说过的话，我从不忘记。
其实我总是铭记在心。
只是我不懂得表达我的感情。
看你的笑容，总是让我感到伤心。
对不起，你累了吧？
我不会把你抛弃。
因为没有你这棵大树的荫庇，不可能有我这棵小草的开心。
Even if you won't ever see this, 妈，其实我很爱您。