My site
"I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!" - Alice, Alice In Wonderland.
Sleep monster.

Sleep used to come so naturally,
But now it's due to exhaustion.

Tell me, is this really due to a screwed up biological clock,
Or is there more to it?

Last night I started tearing.
For what reason, I do not know.
There was a feeling that I couldn't comprehend,
And it resonated so loudly in my soul that I couldn't deny its existence.

What is it that I lack?
What?
I want to know.

I've been drifting in and out of this "space out" zone.
It's when I feel like I'm not me.
I ask myself who I am, and it's like I'm a spirit detached from my flesh.
And then, pushing myself to snap out of that stage, I will "awake" in shock.
It's like I'm there, but I'm not.

I accept myself for who I am.
But at the same time, I'm afraid of myself.

What is this creature that's lacking so much in emotions?
It's still me, isn't it?
What do I want in life?
Why can't you trust?

What,
What,
What,
What,
What.
Why?

There's too much questions,
They're overflowing,
They're overwhelming,
They're suffocating.

A monster.
With shackles on it.
I caressed its face, and it gently whimpered.

Its so torn, I don't know how to help.
How do I lift its burden?
How do I ease it?
But most importantly, what is the root of its turmoil?

I hacked the rusty chains,
But each time I do so, the creature merely looked at me with soulless eyes.
They were blue, but the shade changed every time I looked.
The metal released a melody that seemed to echo its feelings.

I love you,
I love you,
I love you.
But at the same time,
I'm so cautious of you.

I need you,
I need you,
I need you.
But at the same time,
I'm so cautious of you.

Tell me,
Teach me,
Enlighten me.

Help me,
Save me,
Liberate me.

And at that instance,
The habit kicks in.
I start writing, drawing, talking, spacing out.

I took the monster in my arms,
Held its fingers that were skeletal and charred.
Broken skin, scabs and blisters.
The creature smiled.
It was a stranger that I was familiar with.
It was the same smile that I couldn't read.

If I moved forth,
It remains steadfast in its spot.
But I can't leave it.
An invisible thread connects us- soul and mind.

Solve the puzzle with me.
Together, figure it out.

And for some reason,
I give in to that whisper, every time.

Because I can't let it die,
I'll give it my sap.

Because it tells me that there's an answer,
I listen.

Because you see,
It is I,
And,
I am it.